1. You were on The Daniel Plan before Pastor Rick made it cool.
You’re a purpose-driven vegan.
2. You always sign up to bring an entrée to the church potluck. If you’re lucky, this is what you get:
3. Here’s what you get if you’re not so lucky:
4. Pastor’s eating a veggie burger?! Victory for ALL animals!
5. Every time the preacher talks about Old Testament sacrifice or eating meat, she looks at you and says, “Sorry.”
6. You volunteer for the food committee at every event to make sure there are meat-free options.
7. Every meal you’ve ever been served at a spaghetti fundraiser looks like this:
8. This is you when you realize that someone in your congregation is vegetarian:
9. When you learn a frequent visitor is vegetarian, you sometimes resort to this:
10. You’ve been told hundreds of times that Jesus ate fish, but no one ever mentions that Eden was vegan.
11. Suddenly, all your friends think Old Testament animal sacrifice is a valid argument for the expression of New Testament faith.
12. Upon entering the grocery store, you say a little prayer that there is at least one bag of vegan marshmallows left on the shelf …
13. … and sing praise when you find them!
14. Vacation Bible School includes a lesson on cruelty-free products, just because.
15. The body of Christ is the only body you’ll eat.
These bodies are just dead.
16. Your kids thank God for all animals during the dinner blessing.
17. Your favorite part of Heaven Is for Real was the revelation that animals go to heaven.
RIP, Emma. We’ll see you soon.
